I have this memory from when I was younger…I had gotten grounded for something that I don’t even remember, but I do remember the feeling of being grounded. I probably didn’t have any real plans that weekend, but as soon as I was told I was grounded it seemed as if that weekend held all the fun in the world in it and all I could do was sit in my bedroom, stare out the window and watch as all of my friends played outside.
In my mind the weather was better than it ever had been and probably ever would be again, the sun seemed to shine just the right amount for my friends who rode their bikes in complete freedom. Surely they were laughing louder than they ever did with me and were those popsicles?! We never get popsicles!
I remember that feeling inside of me that the whole world was living life to the fullest, better than my wildest dreams and here I was stuck in my bedroom with no one to bail me out. I was missing everything, not even… I was most likely missing what would’ve been the best weekend of my life.
Sometimes I see myself as that little girl looking out the window. I hear my friends talk about school and jobs and guys and vacations and dreams and everything else normal 21-year-old girls talk about and all I see is that little girl staring out her window watching as the world seems to spin faster and prettier for everyone else around her, while she sits and watches.
My friends are finishing their junior year of college, some are even graduating this year and starting jobs all over the world. I hear about trips to fun places and dreams becoming reality. I watch as they play sports, they run marathons, they get married, they have children and here I am, staring out my window.
Maybe it’s just me, but when someone tells me that I can no longer do something, it actually makes me want whatever it is even more. I’ve never been interested in running a marathon, but from this side of the glass, it looks like it would be the best time of my life. I’ve never wanted to live in Israel for 6 months, but from this side of the glass, I think it would’ve changed my life in the best way possible.
Then there are the dreams I’ve always had deep within me, my popsicles that melted in my hands before I had a chance to even really grasp them. It’s hard to watch as people seem to live lives that I once wanted for myself.
I try to be positive and I do have joy amidst it all, but there are moments, there are days and sometimes weeks and months where I don’t want to be on this side of the window. I am hard pressed on every side, but I am not crushed. I will not lose heart. I will wait for my frozen yogurt because that’s soo much better than popsicles anyway and I believe in the promises that my God has spoken to me.
He will show me His goodness in the land of the living.
He will reveal His purpose for me and it will be better than the melted popsicles that I want right now.
He will restore to me my joy.
He will provide for me.
He will guide me.
He will hold me with His right hand.
He will.
He will.
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