Living Chronically Blessed

At the beginning of this year, God gave me this vision of the two of us dancing together.

My arms were draped around His neck, my head rested on His chest as we swayed. As long as I was close enough to lay my ear next to His chest I could hear His heartbeat. When I lifted my head or moved my body from His body the sound of His heartbeat would grow faint until it completely disappeared.

Listening for His Heartbeat

This visual has played over and over in my prayer time.

At first, we were just swaying.

Then, He whispered to me that I needed to listen for His heartbeat.

I listened for weeks, but all I could hear was my phone vibrating, and my mind wandered to the next item on my to-do list.

March seemed to bring the need to vomit all of my worries, instead of swaying in His arms.

As the weeks went on my mind couldn’t shake the desire to just sway with my Lord.

I started finding myself falling asleep in His arms, physically swaying in the comfort of silence, and spending my whole prayer time just listening for His heartbeat.

Hearing His Heartbeat

May and June brought heavy months.

The need to be with my God was what I craved, and words never seemed right when I was with Him.

So, one day I found myself laying on the floor of my bedroom; wordless, emotionless, and exhausted.

I closed my eyes and we were swaying.

After some time of silence, my heart heard a thump and then another one. The sound was so audible that I thought I was hearing my heartbeat.

In the stillness, it became clear that the thumps I was hearing were not my own. The stillness also revealed that the rising and falling of my chest was in sync with the thumps I was hearing.

Over the next few weeks when I was still enough I could hear the thumps…

I heard it one day in an overwhelming appointment when I closed my eyes.

I heard it one day when I sat in an infusion chair and the lady next to me screamed at the nurses.

I heard it one day as I floated in the pool.

I heard it one day as I laid in bed and whispered, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I heard it one day in an MRI tube.

Understanding His Heartbeat

There were days when the thump was soft and then gradually the days where I didn’t hear the thump became more often than the days when I was hearing the thump.

I started asking God, “What makes your heart beat?”

At the beginning of June, I had one of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve ever had. Before the breakthrough came the breaking.

In the breaking I cried out, “God, where are you?”

More like instinct than a verbal response I knew He was there.

He was in that breaking point, in the tears, in the pain, and confusion.

He was there on the ground as I cried so hard I couldn’t catch my breath.

Healed By His Heartbeat

That night I didn’t sleep.

I needed my best friend and my healer, so I chose to worship and pray.

That night I was healed in more ways than I can verbalize.

I’ve never experienced anything like the feeling I had when I got out of bed the next morning.

Chains had been broken and freedom was now my peace.

The healing spread to every area of my life.

As I embraced the healing and freedom in the following days I now sat wordless and overwhelmed by the goodness that my God had shown me.

It was in the same silence and stillness that I found myself swaying in my healer’s arms.

The comforting thump started again and this time it was accompanied by my Lord saying,

“My heart beats for you, my beloved.”

I realized at that moment that it was when I was in His arms and completely in sync with His sway that I could hear His heartbeat.

Friends, His heart beats for you. When was the last time you were still enough and silent enough that you could hear His heart beating for you? Have you ever been that still and silent? Do you believe that His heart beats for you? Don’t take my word for it, ask Him.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:13