If you follow me on social media then you’ve probably figured out that the past couple weeks have been filled with hard days in our household.
The Myasthenia Unicorn
Monday, August 31st my mom was admitted to the hospital.
Going into the hospital isn’t unusual for my mom, matter of fact, it’s a regular thing for her, but this hospital stay has proved to be unusual.
Mom has a disease called myasthenia gravis and it causes all of her muscles to always be weakened.
Myasthenia in of itself is a hard road, but mom is sort of a myasthenia unicorn. Every specialist that has ever met mom has said that mom’s case is one unlike any other.
Most myasthenia patients will never go into crisis and very rarely will they require intubation/life support.
Mom being the myasthenia unicorn that she is has gone into crisis dozens of times. She has been on life support 3 times and close to needing life support numerous times.
This past week mom went into crisis and as I type remains in the hospital.
When mom was admitted we thought it would be a “normal” hospital stay but within 72 hours of being admitted she had already undergone 2 surgeries. The lifesaving device in her arm called a “fistula” had lost its pulse and was no longer able to be used to save mom’s life.
“Wait and See”
Surgery was done to put a temporary line in her neck in order to provide treatment options.
Plasmapheresis is the main medical treatment they use when mom is in the hospital. For the past 4 years, plasmapheresis has saved her life numerous times. This hospital stay the plasmapheresis hasn’t worked to the extent it has in the past.
One minute she seems to be improving and her muscles seem to be strengthening and then within minutes, she will decline.
The doctors have been left questioning everything this time around and honestly, it’s been a lot of, “We’ll just have to wait and see.”
When your mom/best friend is sitting in the ICU, and the care team has the ventilator outside of her room, “wait and see” feels like malarkey.
Savior>Situation
Life is hard right now.
I am exhausted.
There are moments where it all seems too much and grief tries to rob the hope of tomorrow.
And, then there are these moments wherein the depths of the pain and frustration a whisper sparks a light of hope in the darkness.
It’s the sparks that lead me to my next step and give me the strength to actually go there.
Being a Christian doesn’t mean that we discount the amount of pain and suffering that surrounds us.
No, we are not blind to the magnitude of the suffering.
Trust me, I know what it means that my mom is in intensive care. I know that the hospital could call at any moment and tell me that my mom is gone.
Being a Christian is seeing the situation at hand, but not fixing our eyes on the situation.
We fix our eyes on the savior and trust that the savior has control of the situation.
Carrying Hope
God’s plan might not seem good to me right now, but I’ve watched Him in the past turn the pain into purpose.
So, I fix my eyes on my savior, because I trust that through His plan He will turn this pain into His purpose. And, His promise is that His purpose for me is for good, not to harm.
Situations change. The pain and suffering we face changes shape over time, but the character of God never changes. He is the same yesterday and today.
With that faith, I remember all that He has done. I trust in the goodness and faithfulness that He has shown me in my yesterdays and carry that hope into my tomorrows.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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